Just The Beginning
by Phoenix313
Summary: We all know what happened to Alex after Jack died. He went to live with the Pleasures, intending to leave the spy world behind. But what happened before Edward could come pick Alex up? Where was Alex while he was waiting? And why did Edward Pleasure think that Alex was already healing? (Rated T for mild language and possible later brutality) (Prequel to Too Much)
1. Beginning of the End

**Hey so this is the first story of what I'm hoping will be a couple books:) I started posting the second book because I thought that it was going to be the first but then I decided that I wanted some back story for that book. (Look at me rambling again)**

 **Anyway please Read Write and Review!**

 **(Disclaimer. I do not own Alex Rider)**

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 **Jason Butch POV…**

It wasn't my first battle, I had gone on many sense a very young age, all my training and all the exercises swirled around in my head. Telling me exactly what to do in a situation like this. But what I wasn't prepared to see was the kid, Alex Rider standing on a broken bridge with his hands rapped around the main targets throat. By all means the bridge should not have still been able to support them, but some miracle was holding it in place. They stayed there for a minute, swaying in the slight wind. Then there was gunfire and a man fell from the gun tower. I saw Razim take this chance and reach out for the gun lying a few feet away. Alex fell on top of him, pulling his hand and away from the gun in the process.

And then the bridge snapped, unable to take the shifting weight. I saw the large gap open up underneath them. I saw the slight hesitation on Alex's face. Should he keep hold of Razim and fall with him, or should he just save himself? At the last second Alex let go of Razim and fell backward where he managed to get himself twisted up in ropes hanging over the edge. It really was an expert move. It was then that I snapped out of my ! I criticized myself I was trained for things like this! I cant believe that I froze in the middle of a battle! I didn't see the what happened next. I was in what people at the SAS called battle mode because I didn't really see anything going on around me. My soul focus was the target, and in this case it was Alex Rider, the teen spy. I reached the bridge in a matter of seconds.

"Don't move, Alex!" I started crawling toward him. "Where coming to get you." I glanced down and saw Razim in a big salt pit. His eyes where completely wight and there was foam coming out of his mouth. He managed to grab one last breath as if it would help him, before sinking the rest of the way into the salt pit. There was a slight dent where he had been but then the salt poured into the hole, nothing was left to show what had happened to Razim. That wasn't something a teenager should have to see in real life. I had continued crawling toward Alex a while back and grabbed his arms starting to pull him up from the gap.

"We've got you!" I pulled him up and slowly carried him back to safety. Alex was devoid of all emotion, as if he didn't see what had just happened. I set him down on a bench near the very temporary camp we had set up until the reinforcements got here. I handed Alex a bottle of water. He didn't even acknowledge it.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He nodded but he looked anything but okay.

"Stay here. Its over now. We've radio'd Cairo. There on the way." I said. Knowing that the simplest most abrupt sentences where needed in this situation. I left, but ten minutes later Alex was gone. The whole place went into a fit looking for him.

It wasn't until at a long time that I finally found him outside the compound kneeling in front of a burnt out jeep. I approached quietly.

"Alex?" No response.

"Alex, we need to go back to camp," I said and put my hand on his shoulder. The response was immediate. He jumped up and twisted my hand off his shoulder putting it in a breaking position, he almost managed to snap it but I put up the defense for a tactic like that. Immediately he changed and I got a knee in the groin. I doubled over, surprised. I wasn't expecting Alex to react. Let alone like this. I looked up to see Alex standing ten feet away taking everything in. He stopped when he saw me. Recognition flashed in his eyes.

"Sorry," he said. I stood up.

"We have to get back to the base. You have everyone in a fuss because we couldn't find you. I radioed in that I found you but they need to see you." He nodded even though it seemed that he didn't hear me. Alex walked up to the blown up jeep and rested his hand on it. He stayed like that a minute, I was about to tell him that we needed to go when he spoke.

"Goodbye," he whispered. It was a simple word, a word many people used very frequently. But for some reason, when he said it. You could tell it meant a lot more then a simple goodbye. It held so much more then that. It was a word that I had used in the exact same way to many times to count.

 **Alex POV…**

I don't remember much, it was all a blur after I got led back to the camp. I got there and they checked me for injuries, I got a lecture about running off without anyone and then I was told to sit down and wait until it was time for a proper debrief, I was assigned a person to simply 'help me if I needed anything' and given my bottle of water again before I was left alone with my 'Helper' I was fine with it though. Actually I preferred it, I just wanted some time alone to think, or rather, not to think. I didn't want to think about what had happened, about Jack, let alone talk about it especially if it was with Blunt. But hey, if your a spy working for MI6 then you don't get a choice. Ever. If they want you to go on a suicide mission then they'll find a way to blackmail you into going. I would know.

As it turned out Blunt and Ms Jones where flying over to India to meat with Mr. Bryn the head of the CIA and Ali Manzour the head of the Jihaz Am Al Daoula the Indian State security service. They all wanted to be in the same room when I gave them my report. They where still some ways away so I would be debriefed in three days. Three days of trying not to think about Jack and three days of wondering where the hell I would go now that my legal guardian was dead. That Jack was dead. I don't know how long I had been sitting there, nor do I care.

All the sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped up and kneed him in the stomach knocking the wind out of him before I brought my fist around connecting with his jaw and effectively knocking him out. I automatically started looking around me for an exit, I was on the edge of some kind of military camp. But why was I in a military camp? There! I thought as my trained eyes picked up a possible escape rout. It was risky but it wasn't something that I've never done before. Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind, I whipped around connecting my elbow on the side of his head. He to fell to the ground, then there was three more people around me and more running toward me. Then I panicked, I seemed to zone out and if anyone asked me what had happened I wouldn't be able to tell them, because I couldn't remember.

I regained conscienceless seemingly hours later and I hurt like hell. I had multiple new cuts and bruises and my body ached all over. What the hell happened? I thought as I suppressed a groan. It was then that I felt something cold and hard around my wrists. They think that these would hold me? I smiled There wrong. I reached up into my sleeve and pulled out a lock pick that I always kept with me. I pulled out the ones I needed while I worked on the cuffs I opened my eyes a crack and looked around the room. It was a interrogating room, it had the simple mettle chairs in the middle of a white room with a silver bar going across a wall, I took all this in within sends before the cuffs snapped off. I sensed more then saw someone walking toward me to investigate, when he was about to look at the cuffs I jumped up and punched him in the jaw I didn't wait to see what had happened to him instead I ran out the door that He had come in.

I was not to say the least happy with what I saw. There was ten men standing there, all with guns leveled at me and I could here at least another fifteen running toward me. I immediately started looking for an exit, but besides running back into the white room there was none. I stood up strait but remained in a position where I could easily slip into a fighting stance and glared at them defiantly. No one spoke, it was as if they where waiting for something, or someone. Then, a minute and twenty three seconds later that someone arrived.

The soldiers with the guns parted slightly to let a man walk closer to me. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, Ben Daniels stopped five feet in front of me. My mind immediately focused on him. Why was he here? Where was here? Who was he with? Was he a double agent like Ash was? Did they want to kill me?

"Alex," I was ripped out of mu thoughts by Ben's voice.

"Whats going on?" I interrupted.

"Alex calm down, I don't know what happened to you, can you tell me how you got here?" He asked. I automatically started running through my memories, trying and failing to remember how I had gotten here. I was in a cell, Dr Grief just caught me. No. I had gotten away from that, I had won that battle. All it took was that, all of a sudden doubt was placed in my mind.

"Alex, Cub. Can you tell me who you where fighting? Can you tell me why?" I thought about it.

"Soldiers. I was fighting soldiers," I said confused.

"Why Alex?"

"They caught me."

"Why did they catch you? What did they want you for?" I paused, thinking.

"I don't know," now I was really confused. Why couldn't I remember? My stance dropped a little.

"Hey, Alex, Focus on me." I snapped out of my confusion and focused on Ben.

Alex, How long do you remember fighting the soldiers?"

"I was-" I paused, thinking. "I knocked a couple guys out. Then I was surrounded, I panicked but." I paused again, searching widely for the answer.

"Alex, calm down," I heard him say, but it seemed from a distance, like he was talking through a fog.

"Ben. Why can't I remember?" I looked up and I knew that some of the panic I felt shone in my eyes.

Alex, why did they capture you? Who where they working for?" He asked gently.

"Sayle," the name came out automatically. "No." I corrected myself.

"It was Damian Cray," I shook my head. "Dr. Grief?" there was uncertainty in my voice now. I had unconsciously leaned up against the wall and I was now pulling at my hair.

"Scorpia, they sent someone," I looked up, a little more certain. Maybe I was right, maybe I wasn't losing it.

"Alex." Ben said gently. "Do you remember Razim?" I froze. Everything came flooding back. The mission. The school. Razim. Julius Grief. Torture. Jack. Then I lost it, I slid off the wall and hugged my knees. Jack the name swirled around in my head continuously. Jack was dead because of me. Julius might have pressed the button but I had let her come. I had killed her.

 **Ben's Pov…**

I watched as recognition flashed in his eyes when I said the name Razim. He had slid to the floor and curled into a ball. Some command came and the soldiers around me put away there guns and walked off to carry on with there jobs. I moved to put a hand on Alex's shoulder, maybe wake him up from whatever he was currently in, when a hand stopped me. It was Jason Butch, he had been the one to tell me what I had to do in order to get Alex out of the seemingly fake memories he was trapped in. Jason shook his head.

"Not yet, you need to give him a minute to calm down," I nodded.

"Okay," I paused. "What just happened?"

"Alex was in whats called a Karotin its where you completely forget extremely emotional events that just happened in the last couple of years. Its a way for the brain to sort of help young people deal with certain emotions. When you where young, have you ever experienced a moment where something very emotional happened but you seem to forget it happened or told yourself it was just a dream it would be okay?" I nodded.

"Well in the case that Alex had, it was caused by the threat of danger, or what he thought was danger at that moment. Usually it just lasts for a couple of seconds, minutes at most. But with Alex, he must have been through a lot in the past year and been trying to not think about it, there for in a way it had been both inviting the Karotin and pushing it away. But when someone touched his shoulder he thought for a second that he was in danger, therefor forcing him into a extreme case of Karotin." I nodded.

"Alright, is there any lasting effects?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yes, It can later cause a series of visions and flashbacks triggered by things he might have seen or done in his past. It can also cause temporary and short memory lapses." I nodded again.

"Can we get him up now?"

"No need," I startled at the sound of Alex's voice. I turned around to see Alex standing up strait and looking at me. He still had that dead look in his eyes but at least he was standing up.

"Are you alright?" I asked. He nodded once.

"Lets bring you to a room." I started leading him away when Jason again spoke.

"Ben, after you have one Karotin it is more and more likely to have them more often and more severe."

"Is there anything we can do to stop them?" I shook his head.

"Not us. But he can." Jason said motioning to Alex.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that there is a way for Alex to make it harder for Karotin to take hold of him."

"How? Can he learn?" I asked. Jason nodded again.

"I can teach him."

"Good." Jason started walking away.

"Jason," I stopped him.

"How do you know so much about Karotin?" I asked.

He smiled sadly. "I was a teenager too, once." And with that, he was gone.

 **Alex Pov…**

I had heard everything, what had happened, what Karotin was. And how I would most likely have it more often. But what surprised me was that Jason had had it as well. That I wasn't the only one. I made a mental note to myself to find out more about Jason, to know more about this Karotin and to make sure I didn't go into it anymore. For my safety, and for everyone around me.

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 **So I made up Karotin for this book but if there's an actual thing that is what I described PLEASE tell me! Even if its just close. PLEASE!**

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	2. Toy Soldier

**Okay, I swear you guys are the luckiest people on the planet. I mean, you get an update _four_ days ****early!**

 **I mean that has got to deserve a couple reviews. P-L-E-A-S-E *puppy dog eyes***

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 **Well, without further ado**

 **Chapter 2: Toy Soldier**

 **(Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider. Although it would be AWESOME is I did!)**

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 **Alex Pov…**

Apparently I had been in the black out for forty six hours. It had been twenty four hours and I hadn't slept, said or eaten anything sense Karotin was explained to Ben. I could tell that Ben was worried about me but to tell you the truth, I didn't really care. It seemed like I didn't care about anything anymore, life, death, it all seemed pointless if there wasn't someone waiting for you when you finally got back home with a bullet in your chest to care for you. I guess I was saying that I didn't care if I died, in a way, I guess I preferred it. It was a hell of a lot easier then life, that I could tell you for certain. I had to give my full report to Blunt, Jones, Bryn and Manzour in three hours, I was _not_ looking forward to it, and that was putting it lightly.

I was currently sitting on the single bed staring into nothing in the corner of a room very similar to K-units lodge. There was five beds spread out but besides that there wasn't much. It had been empty until I had gotten here, there was a slightly messy bed next to the door where Fox slept. Apparently he was my Gard, but I knew the only reason it was Fox and not someone else was because Fox was seemingly the only person who could force me out of a Karotin. Speaking of the devil, Fox walked in carrying a small tray with some food on it. It was obviously better then the food that everyone else got. my guess was that it was from Manzour's specula stock of food.

"Hey Cub!" Fox said in a fake cheery voice. He had been calling me Cub and Alex around every other time he said my name. To tell you the truth it was annoying, I told myself I didn't care and after you say it enough, eventually you begin to believe it. To be honest, I was having trouble feeling anything after Jack died, besides the occasional spike of annoyance everything seemed dulled. Including pain, physical and emotional. I ignored Fox as he set the tray down next to me.

He sighed. "Look, Alex you need to eat something, its been way to long. I mean think about it, when was the last time you actually ate?" I thought about it, it was at Razim's place, around a day before Jack diedJack died three or four days ago. I shrugged.

"Cub. Eat." I mutely shook my head, I was starving but I couldn't bring myself to eat while Jack was dead, when it was _my_ fault that she was dead. He sighed again.

"Alex, you have to meet with two of the top people of MI6, one of the top people of the CIA and one of the top people of the Jihaz Am Al Daoula. Doesn't that make you nervous?" He was trying to tell if I felt emotions over things like this. Someone had talked to a psychiatrist about it and thats what they said was important at the moment. I knew that because I had head one of the other guards telling Ben that. I didn't say anything.

"Cub look at me." I slowly turned my head and looked at him with blank eyes. I couldn't see himself stop from wincing.

"Alex its been over three days sense the last time you ate. Your going to meat a lot of powerful people who do there best to save the world. You need your strength." I looked away.

"Alex," he said the same name twice in a row. "Your dying Alex, I can see it in your eyes. Not only is no food killing you, Alex your killing yourself. You cant forgive yourself about something. I don't know what your blaming yourself for but I know that look. I had that look." He paused and I looked at him.

"Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault." I looked down at my hands.

"Yes it was." My voice was horse from lack of talking. Ben looked mildly surprised that I had spoken.

"If I hadn't let Jack come then she wouldn't be dead," I said simply. Ben shook his head.

"Alex. Sometimes, when we lose someone," I could tell he was picking his words carefully.

"We're in so much pain that we seem to ether blame everyone else for it, or ourselves. You chose to blame yourself, I don't know why, and honestly I don't really care, but what I do know is that Jack wouldn't want you to die. Jack would want you to live a full and happy life, she wouldn't want you to blame yourself for something that you couldn't stop. So if you won't live for yourself then live for Jack." A small single tear slid down my cheek, I nodded once and picked up a small sandwich with a shaky hand and slowly ate it. I was a lot thiner then I had previously been, and weaker. But I guess that happened when you didn't take care of yourself. I had finished the other half when Ben stopped me.

"Thats enough, you don't want to get sick," I nodded.

"Now get some sleep," he said and started for the door.

"Ben," he stopped but didn't turn around.

"Thanks," I said after it seemed like I wasn't going to. He turned around and flashed a smile.

"No problem kiddo. Now get some rest." I nodded and laid down on my side. I was asleep in minutes.

 **Alex Pov…**

I woke to a slight noise next to my bed, out of pure reflexes I jumped up and away from the offending noise, I slid into a fighting stance. The food had done wonders to me, I felt like I could actually win a fight that I went into now, instead of just being a piece junk that gets kicked wherever its wanted.

"Hey, Alex its just me," slowly the voice and face came together with a name, _Ben, its just Ben._ I thought calming my racing heart.

"You have to meet with them in an hour. I have some more food and water for you," I nodded.

"Thanks."

"So," he set the tray down on the bed.

"What," I said more as a statement then a question.

"How do you feel?" I shrugged and picked up some of the food off the tray.

"Okay I guess."

"You nervous?" I shook my head.

"Its nothing I haven't done before." Ben looked surprised by that.

"Alex," he paused, I nodded for him to continue.

"How many times have you done this? Gone on. Missions?" I paused mid bight.

"You don't have to answer or anything but," he hurried to say. I slowly finished the bight.

"No, its okay, I mean I did sign that stupid secrets act but after everything that means shit." I said venomously. Ben nodded once.

"Okay." I paused and thought about it.

"Sale, Grief, Sarov, Cray, Rothman, Drevin, Kurst, McCain, Razim," I muttered while counting the names on my fingers.

"Nine." I said simply then took another bight of my sandwich, Ben gaped at me. I paused.

"Unless you count Julius, but then you would have to count Ash as well as a couple more people and they where on missions and they weren't exactly the priority at the moment so yeah. Nine." I said nonchalantly.

"Who's Ash?" asked a slightly dazed Ben.

"The guy you shot in the control room."

"Oh. Julius?" I looked down, completely forgetting the sandwich n my hand.

"My, clone."

"WHAT?!" Ben practically yelled.

"Hush, you don't want to alert the other guards outside the room." Ben nodded.

"Right, sorry but I thought cloning people was impossible."

"We thought it was. I guess Julius isn't really my clone, he just looks exactly like me because of plastic surgery," I said.

"Wait, back to the clone part,"

"Oh sorry. Dr. Grief cloned himself fourteen times intending to replace all the boys of the most influential people, we captured all of them except Julius. He attacked me and then I thought he had died in a fire caused by the explosion of my science school wing. Apparently he didn't die though because he came back in the last mission and killed Jack," I said. It still hurt really bad to talk about what happened to Jack. Hell it still hurt to think of Jack, but I didn't want to look weak, I didn't want anyone to know how much it hurt, to know just how much I was off right now. So I had decided to just not show any emotion.

"Wait, your one of the most influential peoples kids in the world?" He asked in disbelief.

"No, thats where the mission came in. I was poising as one though."

He took a deep breath. "Okay."

"How did, how did Jack die?" I paused on this one. Before replying.

"Car explosion." I said simply.

"How, why did the car explode."

"Because there was a bomb planted in it that was triggered by remote."

"where where you when that happened?" I looked down, my response was barely audible.

"Watching," I whispered. Ben was silent.

"Why where you watching Alex?" Ben asked after a minute.

"Razim was doing experiments on pain. He had fiscally tortured a lot of people, but I couldn't be bodily injured at all. He decided to do a emotional pain experiment. Apparently it was higher then any of the fiscal pain," I said as if in a trance.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. I shrugged.

"Not like you could have done anything."

"Where is he now?" Ben asked after a minute.

"Dead. I killed him," I said.

"Oh, I'm so-"

"Don't say sorry Ben. I don't need sympathy," he nodded.

"Okay. How did you know Ash?"

"He was my dads best friend, my godfather. But then he betrayed everyone. he switched sides, he killed my parents."

"Alex I, don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything," we sat in silence for a minute.

"I'm going to work on a report, write one out," Ben took the hint.

"Alright. If you need anything, just call," I nodded.

"Thanks," he nodded and got up and left. As soon as he was gone the emotionless mask fell, I put my head in my hands and took a couple or deep breaths.

"Why Jack? Why did you have to go?" I mumbled. "Ive lost so manny people. Me, being a dumb as always, thought that maybe, you where the only one in my life who wouldn't leave. who get killed because of m." I stayed like that for what seemed like forever, mumbling all the names that had meant something to me and died over and over.

"Jack, Ian, Mom, Dad, Ash, Jack, Ian, Mom, Dad, Ash," over and over again. With each name I pictured a face, Jack Starbright with her frizzy red hair who would _never_ cook anything that took more then ten minutes, laughing as I made a face when she applied a bandage over one of the many cuts I had had. Ian Rider who was always gone and always late, but somehow managed to make some good memories, even if they where based on a lie. John and Helen Rider, frozen in time in a small little frame. And Ash, the murderous, lying, cheating, treacherous godfather that seemed to have ruined my life with the single push of a button.

All of a sudden I stopped rocking back and forth and put back on the emotionless mask, what good would it do for me to dwell on what couldn't be brought back? Its not like me sitting here would do anything good for me. All it was doing was proving that I was weak, that I was helpless, I _wasn't_ going to be the scared little kid in the corner that needs help because of something that he lost. No one would be mistaking me for a battered helpless little kid anymore.

My name is Alex Rider. Son of one of the best agents of MI6, nephew of one of the best. I wasn't going to act like I was a helpless little boy who had lost everything and was forced into a world he didn't belong. I was Alex Rider. The teenage spy who had gone on and come back from nine successful missions. Who would take whatever was thrown at him with a smirk, who would be one of the best agents MI6 had ever gotten there hands on.

But deep down I knew, I was nothing more then broken, battered, shell of a toy soldier who had seen and done way to much.

A broken, battered, shell of a toy soldier who had lost everything.

A broken, battered, shell of a toy soldier who didn't even care anymore.

A broken, battered, shell of a toy soldier who could never be Alex Rider…

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	3. Once A Spy

**Okay there is no doubt. You are The LUCKIEST people on this site:) I mean, its been _three days_ sense the last update! Three days people! I just get really excited and then can't wait to share it with you and see what you think!  
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 **Lets give a big shout out to _Glena, agent potter, lolocello, Shamwow_ and _Vivianne95_ for all of there amazing reviews! If it wasn't for you then this chapter wouldn't have been posted today. And of corse, my _amazing_ beta _InfinityMidnight_ you've been such a great help and the story wouldn't have been as good without you.**

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 **Well, you might be getting bored of my praise so I'll just leave it at that;)**

 **So, without further ado**

 **Chapter 3: Once a Spy**

 **(Disclamer: I do not own Alex Rider)**

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 **Alex Pov…**

Telling Ben those things had been hard but I needed to know how far I could go without losing it, how far I could go and keep up the emotionless mask. I had almost lost it when I was talking about Jack but that was why I had told Ben, so that I could be sure I could keep it together around Blunt. The last thing I wanted was for me to lose it around him.

There was a slight nock on the door and Ben walked in.

"You done?" he asked motioning to the small stack of papers next to me. I nodded, Ben had come in a couple times before to check on me and I could tell he was a lot more guarded around me now, he was acting more like I was a weapon then a damaged kid. Probably because he just learned that I had gone on and come back from more crazy missions then most people could even think of, plus the fact that I was only fifteen and that all that had happened within a year and MI6 and whoever else was involved managed to keep everything secret. It made sense why he was as wary as he was but it was still kind of annoying. But it seemed that after Jack died all emotions where dulled, the only emotion I truly felt was anger. Anger at Julius, Ash, Scorpia, Blunt, MI6, even uncle Ian. Maybe if he had told me about him working for MI6 then none of this would have happened. I was shaken out of my thoughts by Ben.

"Hey, Alex there waiting for you," he said. I nodded grabbed my papers and walked out, Ben showed me the way. After five minutes of winding corridors we stopped outside of a plain wooden door that simply said Manzour. Ben stopped right outside the door.

"I've been told to wait outside. Your on your own." I shrugged and walked in.

The place was very plain, there was a single window in the back, bullet proof judging by the thickness. A small fake plant in a corner and a large desk in the middle of the room. There was four chairs facing the door and another one facing the other four. Manzour, Byrne, Mrs Jones and of course, Alan Blunt where currently occupying the four. My blood boiled at the sight of Blunt. Without waiting for an invitation I sat down in the chair and threw my papers on the desk. Manzour picked them up and started looking them over. Byrne, Mrs Jones and Blunt just sat there staring at me.

"Alex, are you alright?" Mrs Jones asked after a minute, I snorted.

"Alright wouldn't be the first word I'd use." I was pleased with the flat emotionless tone I had managed. She looked concerned.

"What happened?" Byrne asked. I nodded to the report Manzour was skimming over, his eyebrows where scrunched up in disbelief and he kept looking up at me before reading more.

"You arrived with your guardian, where is she," Blunt asked in his flat emotionless tone.

"Dead," I said simply. Mrs Jones looked shocked while Blunt managed to keep his emotionless mask, although the slight twitch of his left eyebrow told a different story.

"How did she die?" He asked.

"Car explosion," I was keeping my answers as short and blunt as possible, if they wanted detail then he would just have to read my report.

"Where you in the car?" It seemed Blunt was doing all the questioning.

"No."

"Where were you?"

"In a mettle chair."

"Why?"

"Because Razim was doing experiments on pain."

"You seem to be fine. If you where being tortured then why aren't you scarred?"

"He needed me unmarked for what he wanted me for. He was doing emotional pain with me."

"Is that why Jack is dead?"

"Yes."

"How do you know she's dead?"

"Because I saw it happen."

"Who killed her?"

"Julius."

"Where is Julius?"

"Dead, I killed him," I was talking with no emotion on my face or in my voice and I could tell that it was really worrying Mrs Jones and Byrne.

"Alex, killing a person is hard, especially for someone your age. But killing someone with your face? Thats like killing yourself," this time it was Byrne.

I shrugged. "I did what I had to do, he was going to kill me. All I did was pull the trigger first."

"How did that effect you?" Jones asked. They were trying to gauge my emotional state.

"It doesn't really matter," I turned my head and looked at Blunt. "Does it." I wasn't asking, there was nothing _to_ ask, I knew the answer already.

"I've been successful on to many missions, I've saved to many lives for it to be over. I'm simply waiting for the folder that tells me where I'm going to go next. Who I'm going to be, I'm sure Blunt has one already made and is just waiting for the right time to present itself, and maybe, if it doesn't come, something very unexpected will happen. Something no one thought was ever going to happen," I stood up.

"If you'll excuse me, you can find all the information you want in there," I motioned to the pile of papers Manzour had previously put down. He hadn't said a word sense I had come in.

"If you want me, well you know where to find me. You always do," I threw the last comment over my shoulder as I opened the door and walked out.

 **3rd Person**

As soon as Alex left Manzour spoke.

"He made all this up!" He cried throwing the papers onto the desk. "He must have, I mean there is no way a _boy_ could do all that! Right?"

"Alex Rider is no ordinary boy," Byrne said.

"He shouldn't have been like that, emotionless," Mrs. Jones said. "He should have been crying, at least sad. After all, Jack was all he had left."

"He had that dead look in his eyes, like he didn't care if he lived or died." Manzour said.

"He managed to keep up a bit of arrogance by dismissing himself," Byrne replied.

"He's trying to convince himself that he doesn't care is he's in this life, he's trying to tell himself that it doesn't matter if he stays or not. He wanted to show us that he didn't give a shit what we said, that the only reason he would be doing it was because he had no choice. But he would try and tell us that he did, that it was his choice to help us." Blunt spoke, trying to gauge just what Alex was thinking and feeling.

"And does he have that choice?" Manzour asked.

Blunt shrugged, "It depends on his level of cooperation."

"His level of cooperation!" Manzour sputtered. Mrs. Jones shook her head.

"No, he's done. Alex has done enough for the world, its time to let him go."

"Its because Alex has done so much that we _cannot_ let him go. He's to good of an agent," Blunt replied.

"Agent! That word used on a boy disgusts me!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed.

"Alan, Alex is _done._ We dragged him into all this," she moved her hand in an arc to show what she meant. "And its time to get him out of it."

 **Alex Pov…**

It had been two days after my meting with Blunt, Byrne, Manzour and Jones. As soon as I had walked out I went to my temporary room. Ben had previously described that the place was much like the SAS, pretty much the only difference was that everyone here was Indian, besides the people who came with the CIA and of coarse the people who came with Blunt and Jones.

After around an hour I walked out in search of a gym or something of the likes. After a couple wrong turns I found it and that was where I had spent the rest of the day.

I looked up as Ben walked in.

"They want to see you again," he said. I nodded.

"About time." Ben gave me a questioning look but I ignored him and walked out.

I entered the room and again sat down without waiting for permission. They all sat there staring at me.

I rolled my eyes. "If it's a mission then you can just give it to me," I said after a minute.

"No Alex, It's not like that," I turned to face Mrs. Jones.

"We feel you've done enough, your done Alex. Your done with being a spy." I sat there for a minute. There was no way I would fall for there crap, there was no way that they would just let me go like that.

"Really, and why do I have such a hard time believing that?" I answered. Blunt ignored the question.

"We've talked to the Pleasures and are currently making arrangements for you to go and live with them," I sat there, stunned. There was no way, Blunt wouldn't just let one of his agents leave. There was a catch, there must be. Maybe there was a mission that came with it, there was something wrong in the area and they needed me to go in, the only thing was that it was near where the Pleasures lived.

"Whats the catch?" I struggled to keep my face emotionless.

"There is no catch Alex," I turned to Mrs. Jones. "You've done your part and are going to live out the rest of your life doing whatever you want." I looked at her in disbelief.

"However good the news is." Blunt sounded anything but pleased. "It will take time, you'll be going to our rehabilitation camp for the time it takes to get everything arranged." I nodded once, stunned. _Where they really letting me go? Did they really mean it or where they just waiting for the right time to drag me back in?_

"Your dismissed," Blunt said. I got up numbly and walked back to my room. However prepared I was to take anything thrown at me. I was _not_ expecting anything like that. Was it really true that I was done? Where they really letting me go? I wanted to believe that it was true but deep down I knew that I would never be free.

They would always come back and drag me bank in. As they say, once a spy always a spy. And I wasn't just your ordinary spy.

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	4. If your a spy long enough

**Uhh, Hi?**

 **Dodges a tomato thrown at her.**

 **I'm SOO sorry for taking so long. I've been REALLY busy. Like, insanely busy. and besides that I wasn't quite positive if I wanted to do this or that for this story. Cause if I did that then it would have turned out that way but I decided to do this so it turns out this way. Anyway I guess it all comes down to I didn't get it down because**

 **a) I was EXTREAMLY busy**

 **b) I wasn't positive what I wanted to do so I had to figure some stuff out.**

 **But still thats no excuse I swear on the river Styx that I _will_ try and post more regularly. Well, I guess I've kept ya'll waiting long enough so without further ado**

 **Chapter 4: If your a spy long enough**

 **(Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider)**

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 **Alex Pov...**

It had been three hours sense they had told me that I would go live a normal life with the Pleasures and I still didn't quite believe them. I mean how could? They dragged me in because they needed me and no matter how many times they told me I was done. No matter how many times I said no, they always managed to get me to do it. So why now? What would they just let me go now? It didn't make any sense. Then I stopped. No, I knew exactly what they wanted me to do. I was interrupted by a knock on my door, without waiting for a reply Blunt stepped in. He looked around the room emotionlessly, but then again when did Blunt ever show emotion?

I rolled my eyes. "Your welcome." He turned his head to look at me.

"What for," he asked simply, I almost lost it.

"What for!" I shook my head.

"You hired a sniper to make sure that I went to India, Blunt," I said my voice cold and even.

"I did what had to be done," he said simply.

"Jack is dead because of you," he shook his head.

"No Alex, Jack is dead because of _you,_ " I didn't say anything, I knew it was true so there was nothing I really could do.

" _You_ let Jack come with you. _You_ helped Jack with the escape plan. _You_ didn't do anything to help her. _You_ sat and watched as she died Alex. Its _your_ fault that Jack is dead," he had said everything emotionlessly, like he didn't care. My hands balled into fists at my side.

"What do you want Blunt?" I said, staring at the floor in front of me to hide my current rage.

"On your way to Forest Hill you'll spend the night in London. Ten miles from the house lives a man named Gerret Swiller, he's a drug dealer. He only sells to teens and every time we get an agent near him he always seems to know, therefor successfully evading us. All we need is a little evidence to bring him in. Thats where you come in," he turned around without further explanation.

"Take two rights a left go strait for three doors and then turn left," then he left. A smirk slowly twisted my face. After all, who knew MI6 better then Alex Rider?

—

Two rights a left three doors and another left brought me to a plain wooden door, I sighed and opened it, what greeted me was one of the last things I expected. I was immediately engulfed in big, fat, chubby arms. Mr. Smithers pulled away and ran his gaze up and down my lean form.

"God Alex. What the hell did they do to you?" He breathed. I shrugged, Smithers rolled his eyes at my antic.

"You shouldn't be going back out," he said blatantly. I shrugged again.

"Its not like I have much of a choice," I cringed slightly at the look on Smithers face.

"Soooo, you know why I'm here?" I asked after a minute of slightly uncomfortable silence. Smithers visibly brightened.

"Of course!" He went to the other side of a desk and stared rummaging through it. Eventually he came back out holding three items, he handed them to me. There was a pack of gum, a black leather bracelet and a shark tooth neckless. I knew better then to start messing with them. With Smithers, well, lets just say I wouldn't be surprised if the pack of gum blew up in my face.

"What do they do?" I asked. He smiled.

"This here," he held up the bracelet.

"Its a lock pic, see if you do this," he ran his thumb along the small seem pressing lightly and a small pic slid out with the pressure.

"There's half a dozen in here so your going to have to figure out which is where on the ride," I nodded. He picked up the neckless.

"This is a small knife. He gripped the tooth and worked of a plastic casing that fit snugly on the tooth, it still looked like the tooth but it was obviously a lot sharper. He handed it to me, I turned it around in my hand then tested the blade. It was definitely sharp enough to cut through rope and it could easily break skin. I nodded.

"And this?" I asked, he smiled.

"That, my boy. Is a flash-drive," he took it from me and pulled out the middle piece of gum. It was then that I noticed that the pieces of gum where thicker then normal. Unwrap this and peel away the coating and then its the flash-drive. The rest of the pieces are explosives so don't try and eat them," he winked, I smiled.

"Thanks Smithers." He smiled but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"No problem kiddo," I was reaching for the door when Smithers spoke again.

"Alex, promise me that you'll make sure to get yourself out of all this," he said. I smiled sadly.

I turned around and opened the door throwing the comment behind me. "Its not really my choice."

—

We where back in London at my old house in Chelsea. Apparently Blunt had 'forgotten' that the safe-house mentioned in the files was actually my old house. I had received a file holding all the information that I needed in order to complete my mission successfully. We where back in London so that I could grab some more stuff if need be and so I could go to Jack's, to _the_ funeral. I could just imagine hearing Jack's voice calling me to get off my ass and go help her unload the groceries. It was so hard to think about her, talking was even harder. But if there was one thing I learned from MI6 it was how to lie. Wether you where lying about your appearance or making up a backstory to keep your cover safe. But the one that I had to learn the best was how to hide emotions. Pain and anger where the hardest to hide, even though they should be the easiest. After all, they where the ones I hid the most often.

I was in my room sitting on my bed staring out the window watching all the neighbor kids play basketball when A voice called from outside my door.

"Alex? You in there?" came Eagles hyper cry. Oh yeah. Did I forget to mention that MI6 sent K-unit to escort me to Forest Hill? Well they where. One of MI6's many 'nice' surprises.

"Mm," was my oh so intelligent reply. Eagle opened the door, I gave him a lazy look as he looked around the room. It was a simple room, a bed a dresser a desk a bookshelf with The Young Samurai and Percy Jackson series, a poster of Star Wars and one of Terminator on the wall. Actually it would have looked exactly like a normal teenage boy's bedroom if you added video games. Ian didn't like video games so he never let me get any. He said it dulls your senses and rots your brain. Eagle's gaze turned to the window and he noticed the kids playing basketball he mistook my watching them for wanting to play and his face lit up.

"Yes! I was looking for someone to go and play basketball with me but Ben, James and Zach don't want to go play," he pouted. I had learned the others real names in the car on the way here do to the fact that we weren't supposed to use our code names. I had already known Ben's but Wolf was James Wood, Snake was Zachary Philips and Eagle was Joseph Thompson. I had completely blocked Eagles voice out as I had unintentionally started doing sense leaving the base in India so I jumped slightly when he grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards the door. I barely stopped myself from attacking Joseph. There was no way that I would admit it but recently anything that might be slightly hostile, or feel hostile in that second freaked me out. I would get this image of someone else I loved dying. It was usually Tom or Sabina.

"Where are you taking me?" I growled.

He chuckled. "No need to get hostile!" He said, by that time we had gone down the stairs and we where passing the kitchen to the front door. I glanced inside the kitchen where Snake, or Zach was making grilled cheese for dinner. I sent him a pleading look but he just shrugged and mouthed.

'your on your own.' Joseph opened the door and started dragging me to toward the basket ball game that was going on.

 _No!_ I thought. I couldn't go over there. Someone would recognize me.

"Joseph no," I said. He ignored me and kept walking.

"No!," I said again, more urgently this time. It was just my luck that someone decided to look over at me and Joseph.

"Alex?" I froze. That was a voice I knew all to well. The game stopped and they all looked over at me. A couple of my friends started running over.

"Alex where the hell have you been?" Charles asked. I smiled nervously. And then all the questions began. 'Where have you been?' 'why did you go?' What happened?' and on and on. I had heard them all before and I really was _not_ in a mood to answer any of them. I smiled and started to back away, trying to escape the seemingly many people. Then someone grabbed my wrist and started dragging me back toward my house. I whirled around and was about to shake him off me when I realized who it was.

"Tom?" I asked. He flashed a ridicules smile.

"Run," was his simple reply. I smiled as I remembered all the other times he had said that. It was usually right after we caused some kind of trouble. He let go of my arm and we both bolted to my house. Eagle entered last and slammed the door shut behind him, as soon as we where 'safe' from all the other kids Tom whirled around to face me.

"Where the hell have you been?!" He yelled at me. "And who the heck is he?" He said the last part pointing to Eagle. I opened my mouth but he beat me to it.

"Don't you dare lie. I know this has something to do with MI6 and your other life," I closed my mouth. Just then James, Ben and Zach ran into the room, I could tell by the way James and Ben had there hand behind there back that they where holding there gun and Zach had his knife in his belt. Seeing that it was only me Joseph and this other kid, also that I nor Eagle where attacking the kid that it was okay. James and Ben subtly put there gun in there waistbands and put there shirts over it to hide it.

"Ookkaayyy," Tom drew out the okay still taking in what he just saw.

"So now MI6 is baby sitting you to, its not bad enough that they take you for weeks to months away from school and from your friends, risks your life, lets you get tortured, blackmails you to make you go on missions, makes it so that everyone who knows about _that_ life freaks every time you disappear and besides that who knows how many times you've almost died? I mean probably a dozen at least! And then there was the time with the-" I put a hand on his shoulder knowing that he was going to start talking about the sniper.

"Tom. Enough," I said calmly, stopping his rant. He took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'm good now." Eagle held up his hand tentatively.

"Um, how does he know about all that?" I shook my head.

"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time," I said.

"Scratch that. MI6 have been blackmailing you?!" James sounded alarmed.

"Tortured!" Zach looked pretty damn mad.

"I wasn't really tortured," I said quickly. "Not physically anyway,"

"Not physically! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" It looked like James was going to explode. The last thing I wanted to do at the moment was explain everything to them so I went with the one word that could make people want to strangle you within a minute.

"Classified," I said emotionlessly.

"CLASSIFIED!" James yelled. I nodded once not flinching under his glare. Tom took half a step back.

"Correct." I said and walked into the living room plopping down on the couch. Seconds later everyone else came in.

"So you gonna introduce us?" Tom said, gesturing to K-unit. I gestured to everyone as I said there names.

"This is James, Ben, Zach and Joseph, or Wolf, Fox, Snake and Eagle there K-unit in the SAS or Ben was until he became a spy. Wolf is the leader Snake is the medic Eagle is the sniper and Fox was the communications expert."

"Don't forget you! Your the teenage underage child kid spy?" Eagles voice trailed off under my glare.

"Technically I never joined the unit," I said, Eagle shrugged.

"Anyway thats them so K-unit, Tom, Tom K-unit," I gesture to K-unit who where all standing more or less together, then to Tom then Tom then K-unit.

"Hey, I haven't said hi to Jack yet!" Tom jumped up. I cringed when he said her name.

"Tom," I started.

"Hold on I'm gonna go say hi. She's probably in her room unpacking," he ran toward the staircase.

"She's gonna kill me for not saying hi sooner!" he mumbled and ran up the stairs. When he was out of earshot Ben spoke.

"You gonna tell him?" I nodded.

"Do you want me to?" he asked.

"No. I need to tell him." Ben nodded.

"Okay." Tom ran back down the stairs.

"Wheres Jack?" He asked.

"Tom," I said again.

"Hold on Al I'm gonna go check in the kitchen," he started running to the kitchen but I grabbed his arm, stopping him from going any further. He looked slightly surprised at my grip.

"Alright fine what is it? But make it quick cause if I don't say hi then she's gonna kill me."

"Tom thats what I wanted to tell you." He looked distracted and kept glancing toward the kitchen.

"The last mission," his interest peaked at the mention of one of my missions.

"It went bad. They knew I was coming and they where ready. They caught Jack and I," It felt more like I was trying to convince myself more then I was telling him.

"Tom, she's not coming back."

—

Six hours later I was getting ready for my tenth mission. After I told Tom that she wasn't coming back he went into the disbelieving stage. He laughed and said that that was a cruel joke and how it couldn't be true and spouting off different ways how she wasn't gone and then he started trying to make me tell him that it was just a horrible joke and how any second now she was going to come in and give me a lecture on how its not nice to do that to people and so on. After that he went to the stage of trying to convince himself how it wasn't true. then came the accepting. After twenty minutes he finally sat down on the couch put his head in his hands.

"Is it true?" He asked.

"Her funeral's tomorrow," was my way of confirmation. He had sat there for ten minutes, unmoving, when he finally looked up.

"How are you taking it?" He asked. I could tell from the look on his face that he thought it was a dumb question but he needed to say something.

"I'm fine," he looked at me quizzically. It was a lie of course, I was anything but okay. I had tried to sleep and I kept having night-meres. The car would explode over and over again, except that I could hear Jack screaming, sometimes she would talk to me. Except that she would be accusing me of killing. Killing her, Ian, Mom, Dad, Ash and everyone else.

I sighed and rolled up the window in my room. In was raining again, it seemed like it was always raining. I sighed and swung my leg out the window, then it occurred to me. This was the first mission that I wasn't blackmailed into, all the others I didn't have a choice.

I smiled bitterly. I guess that if your a spy long enough it grows on you. You begin to like it. Then crave it. The wind whipping your hair and face as you run. Adrenalin rushing through your veins as you dodge the bullets aimed at your heart. The sense of satisfaction you get when you come home successful. In a way, I guess I loved it. The smile disappeared from my face. But then again I hated it. Jack would be disappointed in me if she knew what I was going to do.

"I'm sorry Jack," I whispered, and jumped.

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